Saturday 5 November 2016

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Monday 13 June 2016

4 Ways You Can Bring the Romance Back into Your Relationship

After a couple has been together for a while, they may feel like there is no need to keep the romance alive. Here are 4 ways you can keep the love alive and burning hot!

The tips are provided by the appkru.com– online dating site members who’ve participated in a survey.
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All too frequently, we find ourselves in a relationship that was once full of passion but is now a lackluster partnership. Our great romances tend to fail because we stop being spontaneous, we stop trying to court out love, and we just settle into a routine. No matter how well-intentioned you may be, you may find it difficult trying to find new ways to show your love how much you adore them.

It is the little signs of love and affection that seems to fall to the wayside. You no longer whisper sweet nothings into their ear, your dinners consist more of take out or something quick rather than a decadent meal that took more than 15 minutes to prepare. Even if you still do these things, they lose their impact if they are done too frequently or that is all we do.

Many find that in order to have a lasting, loving relationship, they need to do things that fuel that intimacy and reignite the fiery passion you once felt. If you aren’t sure how to accomplish this, we have four great ways to help get you started.

Use Your Words
Too many times we don’t place the right amount of value on a poem or a love letter written from the heart. Too frequently we rely on technology to communicate with our partners and we don’t take the time to pen a letter or poem. Just think how special when they receive something written from you that expresses how you feel about them? It is just that sweet.

Celebrate the Small things.
One of the easiest ways to turn your partner on and get them feeling amorous is to take notice of the small things that get them going. When we are falling in love with our partners, we take notice of these small details… details like how they rub their nose when they are flustered, how they hug the pillow at night, or the sounds they make when you give them an incredible massage. These details help you fall in love with them.

If you want to rekindle that passion you once felt, focus on the small things. Remember what made you fall in love with them, remember why you love tangling your fingers in their hair, remember how adorable they look when they clutch their pillows at night.

Be Incredibly Indulgent for One Night
Let’s say your idea of a date night is a dinner and a movie, which is fine. Instead of going to the usual haunts, go all out for one evening. Try going to a swank restaurant where you have to dress up and instead of a movie, buy tickets for a show in the theater.

These lavish dates are a sweet way to shower yourselves in decadence and give each other an opportunity to appreciate the experience together.

Give Them a Token of Your Love
Everyone loves to receive a gift, no matter the time of year. Surprise your partner with a thoughtful gift. The gift could be something that reminds you of them, their favorite something (artist, movie, music, etc), or it could be something that will just make them smile. A thoughtful gift boosts affection for both of you—them because they are on the receiving end of a sweet gesture and you because you are going an extra mile to show your partner you care.nextnext

Top 10 First Date Ideas

Is there anything sweeter than a first date tremble? You know, the one that goes after you through the whole evening? I cannot imagine something better!

I went on many first dates; frankly speaking, most of them turned out to be a total disaster. Boys would often choose odd activities to surprise a girl (the one that invited me to a paleontology lecture was quite inventive, but, oh Lord, I did my best not to fall asleep), some of them would behave weirdly and artificially (yes, too many James Bond suits with sleazy teenagers inside of them). And one time, the guy invited me directly to his mother’s place to have dinner! I felt completely out of place.

Well, I am quite sure you know everything\something about first date etiquette. Today my friends from and I are going to focus our attention on top 10 first date ideas related to activities you may involve and places you may visit. I have put them in order from the simplest to hardcore varieties. It does not mean that simple and common options are less effective, but if you meet the a really special man – you would need something unique to get him interested in you throughout the first date. Dive in!
Difficulty level: Easy

10. Evening coffee stroll. The simplest yet best idea ever. Most of the meetings spent in such a virtually plain way were successful and led to new phases of relationships. It is cheap, unobtrusive, fun, and trouble-free! First date coffee stroll means you meet near the park, grab a cappuccino-to-go and walk around talking while street lights are turning on! Magnificent, especially in September and May (the weather is perfectly mild in those periods). You can leave the meeting every moment you want; in fact, such dates rarely take more than two hours. The point is – you do not have to do something complex you get your partner amused. I will do my best to bust this idiotic myth. The first date aims to help you explore each other in order to understand if you are going to make a good match – and that’s it! Please, do not wear high heels if you want to make your stroll truly effortless for both of you!

9. Find a pond and feed the ducks. Seems like just a part of a normal date, but you will have to believe my experience – you do not have to complicate things to make a success out of them. Sometimes you just need to concentrate on a particular activity. Why did I choose to feed the ducks? Because this process is both relaxing and amusing. Likewise, believe it or not, but every human being will find something interesting to tell about while meditating over the pond. This activity can be a beginning of a date, too. Just make the best out of it.

8. Fly a kite. Once again – simple, entertaining, cheap, and meditative. As well, flying a kite is a rather time-consuming activity and, therefore, you will have enough time to talk. Take a kite to the beach or a local park for an afternoon spent with your heads in the clouds. First, work together to get the kite up, and then brush hands as you pass the handle back and forth. This doing is also great because it reminds us of childhood – the brightest part of our life. Remembering youth is always soothing. You should better choose a windy day to catch a nice airstream, or else you will have to deal with terrible awkwardness.
(Note: I did not include such options as going to the cinema or having a dinner. You might be surprised but I have a great explanation. A dinner itself is a great date idea – but it does not always work for the first meeting as you have a table that separates you and distracts your developing contact. Going to the cinema is not the best choice because you would have no actual time to learn each other. These activities can become a part of your first date but will not work as a solo artist)
Difficulty level: Medium

7. Take a cooking class together. In fact, all medium-level activities will have one thing in common – they all will demand a certain talent. For example, a cooking class takes next

What Modern Girls Really Look for in Men


Love and family are the greatest values of our life. People seek each other, and sometimes it takes much time to find the one that fits you perfectly. We asked our gorgeous friends from Romance Compass – online ukrainian dating site about what kind of features they look for in men. Clearly, you should not adapt yourself to this list, but it might help you become more attractive to women.

1. Maturity. If a girl seeks a long-term relationship, she is probably interested in a certain type of guys. Young men with boyish attitudes are good when she is 18. Later on, a woman needs something more than amusement and permanent entertainment. She needs the one who would be able to overcome obstacles and make important decisions. And, of course, they look for mature men – not older, but developed. Age does not always determine maturity, but experience does.

2. Decisiveness. One of the most common mannish features is resoluteness. You know exactly how things go and can resolve any possible problem. In fact, women are also assertive. They are able to focus their attention not worse than men. However, it is stereotypically a man’s agenda to overcome difficulties. Women prefer to be assistants and supporters. You should also have an idea about your future – it makes a girl believe that you will be devoted to her and your family.

3. Intelligence. No one dares to argue about men’s brain being their sexiest organ of all. Nonetheless, not all the men train this muscle. Some of us suggest that physical strength is the only important thing about a real man. Women look for the one that would be able to keep the conversation going; the one who make them smile with witty commentaries; the one who would explain something if needed.

4. Appearance. Even though men should not be overly obsessed with their looks (nor should women be), we should somehow maintain a good appearance. We should take care of our haircuts and facial hair, wear reserved yet good-looking suits and clothes, clean our boots and stick to regular hygiene procedures. The way you look clarifies a lot about your personality. Certainly, a family-oriented girl looks for the one with a great genome – to give birth to beautiful and healthy children!

5. Upbringing. Nice manners and loyalty are more likely to be attractive than stereotypical manliness. You should be able to communicate with people in a respective manner, even if they appear to be hierarchically below you. Because girls know – the way you communicate with other people is the same as the way you will communicate with them after marriage. Don’t be a douche.

6. Career. No, we are not talking about your flourishing financial state. Modern girls are strongly affected by feministic movements, so most of them suggest providing themselves is a great idea. However, your developed career and a remarkable job title are a sign of both confidence and assertiveness. In addition, having a job is rather a necessity in the modern world, no matter if you work by yourself or in the office.

How to Make Your Love Stronger After an Ugly Moment

This was an embarrassing love moment for sure…and we’re glad our love survived it…

There are 3 videos on this web page about building trust in a relationship that are really worth watching and…

If you haven’t seen it–THE third video on this page is where we share the story about a really UGLY moment that happened in the early days of our relationship and how we bounced back from it to create even more closeness and connection…

You’ll love this video for 2 reasons…

Not only is it pretty embarrassing for us to reveal this but it really happened and it’s got a big lesson in the story for you about how you can bounce back from an UGLY moment with the one you love if you ever have one of these…


Resolve arguments and fights this way…

Otto saw a heated argument unfold the other day that got so crazy that he thought the police were going to have to be called…

Here’s what happened and some simple truths that can make your relationships better…

Otto watched a store clerk get into a heated argument with a respected doctor and businessman that got so bad that they ended up screaming at each other.

As Otto watched, he saw the clerk constantly interrupting the customer and telling him that he “needed” to hear HER out (even though she repeatedly said the same thing).

It was a crazy scene to watch and it got so loud and the two of them were so angry (as Otto saw it)–all because both of them just wanted to be heard.

This entire “fight” could have been avoided if the clerk had only allowed the customer to say what was on this mind without her getting caught up in reacting and defending.

Isn’t this the way it is in our personal relationships?

We just want to feel heard.

We want to feel important.
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We want to feel respected.

This shows up differently for every single person and if you stay away from reacting and defending–and just listen, disagreements and fights will just dissolve.

The other day, the two of us got into a rousing argument (yes, we do sometimes) but it didn’t last long…
We have a good crop of poison ivy at the back of our lot and one of Susie’s “jobs” for the holiday weekend was for the two of them to tackle this problem.

The two of us aren’t particularly good at working together on household “fix-it” projects and this one wasn’t any different.

So we made up stories about what the other was thinking and reacted with anger and impatience.

It wasn’t until it rained and we had to stop what we were trying to do that we really listened to one another.

Otto hadn’t understood Susie’s strong desire to get rid of the poison ivy that weekend.

Susie was still expecting Otto to be like her father and ex-husband and take charge of these kinds of situations.

When we really listened to one another, it became clear that this was a bigger job than we wanted to tackle and we’d hire someone to do it.

We listened, we came up with a plan and any anger just faded away.

All any of us wants is to feel heard and understood.

It doesn’t mean that you always get your way but you can come to another “way” that works for both of you.

While we know that anger is a human reaction, it doesn’t solve anything unless you can see it for what it is.

Your anger is just a sign that you’ve taken a turn off your path to love and you can get back on easily enough.

At any moment you can make a fresh start.

We did and you can as well.

The three things metter in love

The things that matter most in love relationships and life are often ones we ignore or put off until “some day” and never get around to.

What if we told you that a lot of what you think and believe about love, relationships and having the best love (and life) possible is wrong?

We’re not trying to get all negative on you but if you don’t have the love relationship you want… (or the life you want for that matter) then something we can almost guarantee you is…

You are NOT focused on the things that matter most but are instead focused on the things that won’t get you what you want.

How do we know this?

Because we’ve both been in relationships and marriages where we’ve said and done things that took us 180 degrees away from what we wanted.

We’ve both done things in relationships that(in hindsight)we aren’t very proud of…

And we’ve both also made some just plain dumb mistakes that any normal person would know to be just plain wrong.

And you know what the crazy part was?

We did these things anyway because they somehow made sense in the moment and they also gave us some inner feeling that felt good to us at the time.

Almost every man or woman we’ve ever worked with personally in our relationship coaching practice or had a conversation with about how to have a great relationship (or a great life) was invariably doing one or more things that they thought was a good idea…

Something they thought would help them get what they wanted in their love or personal life but…

Something that just seemed to take them further and further away from the love they desired and craved.

So with this in mind, here are three ideas that we’ve discovered that matter most in creating an AMAZING love relationship at any age…

1) Treat your partner like you would treat a beloved who is the most special person on earth.
Most men and women who claim to want their spouses, husbands, wives or lovers to treat them special and LOVE them…

Simply don’t treat their partner like they are truly special and they matter.

Instead, they treat their partner like someone who didn’t much matter to them and would always be there no matter what.

Treating a partner special can be something as simple as what the two of us do each evening when we come together after being apart…

We simply give our full attention to each other, even for a few minutes, because attention translates into “You are important to me” in ways that words may not.

Being “treated special” can mean something different for each of us so the point is to look beyond what you think it might mean.

2) Approach your differences from a “What can I learn from you?” point of view.
We believe that the people we choose to partner with are in our lives to not only share love but also to be our teachers.

It might be to learn how to love ourselves more, to be more compassionate with ourselves and others, or to not be so stuck in our ways that we fail to see another’s point of view.

Every relationship is an opportunity to learn and grow, even if it’s to learn what we don’t want more of and to then make another choice.

When you approach your love relationship in this way, you aren’t so quick to judge but can open to something new.

During our time together, the two of us have looked out onto the world in very different ways and in order to keep our love alive, we’ve had to learn to just get curious when conflicts come up.

And with curiosity comes learning–especially about ourselves as well as our partner.

And with learning comes deeper love and connection.

3) Learn to love yourself and connect with your inner wisdom.
In order to truly love and be loved, the journey starts (and ends) with loving yourself by listening to that still voice within.

When we start to love ourselves more, we’re listening when our body says to slow down and take a rest.

When we start to love ourselves more, we’re being true to what’s inside us instead of pretending to be something other than what and who we are.

When we start to

The painful love

A long, lasting relationship that’s filled with only love sounds like a great idea, doesn’t it?

Everybody wants it.

Right?

(Especially when you’re talking about the kind of lasting love portrayed in romantic comedy movies and beach novels  )

But when you actually try to live it, there can be quite a lot of disillusionment and pain that comes with a long-term relationship.

But it doesn’t have to be that way.

Because the truth is that love (even long-lasting love) doesn’t always run smoothly.

We know, we know…

We shouldn’t say something like this that’s going to be posted online and possibly be read by tens of thousands of people.

But we’re big fans of truth-telling and the question is…

Why doesn’t lasting love happen without any glitches or hiccups and more importantly…

Why does LOVE sometimes seem to be SO painful?

After all, you love and care about each other, right?

One of the biggest reasons love doesn’t always run smoothly or go the way you want is because of THIS…

It’s because we make up stories about what love “should” be and how our partner SHOULD act according to “rules” (often unspoken and even unconscious) that we’ve made up.

We do this even though sometimes we know better!

We also do this because most of the time we forget that we’re doing it.

But to the two of us–that’s the beauty of lasting love…

You get the opportunity to bump up against another person close to you (and sometimes create friction between the two of you) so that you can start to question some of your preconceived
ideas that can keep you from experiencing love in its fullest form and true joy.

That’s a mouthful but we’ve found it to be so true.

We’ve been together 19 years now and married for 17 years this month…

And it never ceases to amaze us that we still cause each other pain from time to time because of what we call “should” thinking…

It happens…

But like us, what you can learn is how to quickly get back to your loving feeling (for yourself and your partner).

When it comes to lasting love, here are a few ways to get back to the loving when things aren’t going so smoothly that we’ve found helpful…
1. When you’re triggered, don’t pull your verbal trigger.
Take a breath instead. That doesn’t mean that you stuff down what you need to say but calm down first–then speak if you still need to.

2. Ask yourself what rule of yours has been violated and is it really that important. (A lot of times it isn’t)
3. Be open to a solution that’s maybe not exactly what you wanted but could work for both of you–and this involves really listening–to yourself and to your beloved.
Lasting love can mean that every day can be a new adventure and full of discovery as you navigate through your lives together!

Be easy about all of it and looks for ways to lighten up.

Life and love will certainly be a whole lot more fun if you do!

Dont be a slut

Back From the Dead

It's been a while.

I would love to regale you with tales of new sexual exploits, fortunes won and triumphs achieved ... but the real reason I haven't posted in more than seven months is one long, boring, mundane, never-ending

MID-LIFE CRISIS.

I started out 2011 unemployed, and that was both a blessing and a curse.


But it was nothing compared to rejoining the workforce.

I got a job. A job that I didn't want but took anyway because it was the only bus in sight to hop on. Riding a rickety bus filled with bad smells and vagabonds seemed smarter than joining meaner, smellier vagabonds in a homeless encampment under the 10 freeway.

So I sucked it up and trudged into a dirty, claustrophobic office that reminded me of my dad's hoarder house. To distract myself from the monotony, I started blogging again ...

... and then it hit me. If I scratched out the name of the company I worked for at age 24 and substituted the name of the new company, every career lament I'd written 15 years ago still rang true. As did the constant theme of loneliness and disappointment.

Life at the new job was bad.

Turning 40 was worse.


Forty forced me to face what I didn't want to face:
Still single.
Never married.
Never pregnant.
Nearly 12 years past my last serious relationship.
Five-and-a-half years past my last roll in the hay.
And in a job that seemed precisely as awful as my first real job out of college.

So I did what I always do when life seems hopeless ... munch on Snickers and Cheez-Its.

And look for a new job, since I now change jobs almost as often as I used to change men.

Flash forward another few months.

Lucky break! Another new job.

I built the new New Job up to be the Second Coming of Jesus, like I used to do with every new New Boyfriend.

I used it as an occasion to end life as I knew it. I left my apartment of seven years, said goodbye to 15 years of trendy West L.A. foolishness and moved to staid, laid-back La Canada Flintridge, where people talk about their kids and football instead of their auditions and plastic surgery.

I hoped I'd meet a NASA/Cal-Tech nerd, fall madly in love and live happily ever after.

So far, I haven't.

I've just worked a crazy amount of hours, availed myself too freely of the free M&Ms in the office kitchen and gone through my annual deep, dark, holiday depression.

So I'm back in familiar territory. Working too many hours. Trying not to be a bitch, but not quite succeeding. Popping thigh seams in my yoga pants as the pounds pack back on. And wondering if I'm really going to grow up to be the little old lady (or big, fat, diabetic old lady) who dies alone surrounded by cats.

Fortunately, the other side of this familiar terrain is being good at eventually climbing off the pity pot and putting myself back together:
Antidepressants. Makes me queasy and flatulent, but better than the alternative.
Yoga. Hard to do downdog when you're 50 pounds overweight and farting, but I'm showing up anyway (whether the person on the mat next to me likes it or not).
Meditation. Forcing myself to count 20 breaths and think at least one happy thought that doesn't involve premature death.
Weight Watchers. Eating three times my daily Points allowance, but at least I'm keeping track.
Creative expression. I've decided it's time to stop moping and write.

I'm resurrecting myself, and that means resurrecting my blog.

Simple

No matter your job or your salary, at some point it becomes necessary to learn how to handle personal relationships. Personal relationships add richness to our lives, and studies indicate that people live longer, feel healthier and enjoy better emotional and mental health. However, it can be difficult to develop these relationships in a healthy manner.
In some cases, people need to see professional counselors in order to help them develop healthy relationships. However, if you are looking for a little simple guidance, you can find it online. There are a number of blogs that can provide insight into your personal relationships and how to develop them. Here are 50 blogs that can help you with your personal relationships.